Randomnesia

Uhhh... there's supposed to be a tagline here... pudding!

                                              Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris Isn't funny, stop laughing.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a freaking Indian.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.